Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
