You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
