yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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