Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
