I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
