super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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