So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
