Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
