Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
