you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
