Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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