im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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