Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
