Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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