Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
