I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
