So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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