I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
