Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
