In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
