I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize