But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
