you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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