I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
