I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Your cock deserves a montage
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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