I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
