This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize