Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
