she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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