Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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