just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
