I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
