He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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