when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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