Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize