When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
