After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
