my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
