Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
please don't ironically join a cult
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