omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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