i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize