I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize