He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
