i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
