He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
