some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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