My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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