sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We left the knife in your bed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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