Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ketchup is God's man juice
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
