Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
