Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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