don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
