If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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