if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
