I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize