I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
