Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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