I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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