hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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