If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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