Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
