Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
