Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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