I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
