when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
